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Being Budget Beautiful

Beauty products will always be an important expense that we cannot pluck from our lives completely. Lets look at some ways that we can prolong the life of our favorite products in order to keep our wallets a little fatter. Ca-ching! 1. Longer Lipstick Life. You have gotten to the end of your lipstick, but don’t you dare throw it away! Get yourself to The Container Store, STAT, and get a small round pillbox with a screw off top. Scoop out the remnants of your lipstick with a makeup spatula or the small end of a chopstick. Now you can apply it with a lip brush. You would be surprised just how many applications this will allow. Mix in a little Vaseline and...

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Bullseye Binging and Purging

Bullseye Binging:  The act of buying multiple extraneous items to facilitate that garden party that you will never, ever throw, when you went in (to Target) with the sole intent to, for once, stick to your list and buy only those items that you truly need. I have a problem. I pop into Target with a list consisting of paper clips, a tri-colored printer cartridge, toilet paper, and a birthday card for my nephew. I come out with those listed items plus a cake pop maker, fluorescent knee socks, votive candleholders, a giant strawberry Lip Smacker, a ceramic pitcher for iced tea (that I am definitely going to start drinking instead of soda, it’s just that I have never had the proper...

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Smoking Crayons – Part II 🖍

My passion for dance kept my need for cigarettes at bay until the age of fifteen. It was then that I upgraded from crayons to full-flavored Winstons. My parents smoked them, so one evening I discreetly snatch a pack and take them to a party. I was (not) the coolest because I brought cigarettes to this party. My friends and I experiment with the Winston cigs but they are super harsh. Who do we think we are, Nascar drivers? Experiencing this cigarette buzz for the first time is unforgettable. As our first inhale comes, the coughing ensues. It’s pretty sexy. Puff, hack, hack, gorble, hack. Cool. Let’s take another drag! I feel so lightheaded that it’s kind of exhilarating. It feels as...

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Smoking Crayons – Part 1 🖍

My love affair with cigarettes began at age six. In the mid-eighties, I lived in a ‘70s-style contemporary rental home.  It had a severe sloped roof, rough cedar board siding, dookie brown shag carpet, and a fixed wooden ladder that led to a loft space in the living room. Hippy Dippy. My family would spend hours in that living room entertaining their friends and our immediate relatives. They would all lounge about the L-shaped burnt orange velour couch (a fab color combo with the carpet) to smoke their extra long cigarettes, drink beverages, and talk for hours. My brother Michael is ten years older than me so, being a teenager, he was allowed to stay and comingle with the adults. I was...

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Seven-Layer Sonogram

 This is my sonogram. It is a seven-layer rainbow cake that I made with my best friend, Rachel, in October of 2011. The date fell in between our 31st birthdays, which just happen to be two weeks apart.  She and I have     been best friends since middle school. We used to get drunk and dance on tables to celebrate things, but now that we are getting older, we fancy a good culinary adventure as a means to celebrate.    In our 20’s, we confidently declared, “There is NO way I’m gonna be…  (Insert, ‘still single‘ or ‘living with our parents’) when I am thirty.”  And we meant it.  We doubtlessly swore that we would never be so un-cool as to stay...

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Fat Girl at Heart

For the past ten years, I have referred to myself as a Fat Girl at Heart. It wasn’t until recently that I started contemplating what it truly means when I quote myself as such. After thoughtful consideration, I came to realize that it is much more than a caloric connection. It is about my heart, my ego, and my insecurities. It starts with my indulgences: in food, in behavior, in fashion…  decadence at every turn. If I have an opportunity to be indulgent, I will certainly entertain the desire. I love to over-accessorize an ensemble and sometimes I cry just because it feels good. I can sleep for twelve hours and I adore dipping truffle French fries in hollandaise sauce; the most...

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