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The Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Thought 💁🏼

The Dumbest Thing I Ever Thought

I was 23 and went to Office Max to buy myself a paper shredder. Apparently I had some very important documents that I needed to ensure did not end up in the wrong hands. Clandestine. As I was pacing the aisle of shredders, knowing I didn’t want a cheap one that would quit working after 3 shreds but understanding that this didn’t need to be an investment piece, a very friendly employee approached me and asked if he could be of assistance. I told him that I was looking for a middle-of-the-road paper shredder and he began knowledgeably walking me through the features of these mid-priced machines. When we start getting into the mid-high priced shredders he says, “Now this one takes credit cards.” Dubiously,...

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Best Sh*t Ever: Part Deuce 💩

best sh*t ever

So, I’m working my tag line that I have received permission from the client to say, "Poo-Pourri – It’s The Best Sh*t Ever!" and moving flyers like hot cakes. Everyone is chucking AND they will get a free sample of Poo-Pourri as they make their way through the gift show. I’ve really made their day. Suddenly a security guard approaches us and tells us that we can’t hand out flyers in the lobby, we have to go outside. "But it's SO hot out there and were told by the client that we are to stand here." Gruffly he says, "Well, you were told wrong. Go outside." We head outside and flank the exterior doors which are in the shade, thank goodness. A few moments later,...

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Bitches Love Cheese 🍔

Bitches Love Cheese

I was working from home and got a lovely mid-day surprise. I heard a knock on the door and saw my soon-to-be stepdaughter, Madeline, and her friend Averie standing there. They had been walking the long trail behind our house and decided to stop by to say hi, get some water, and cool off for a bit. They both recently graduated high school and are going to college soon. I asked them how they felt about moving away and reminisced about that transitory time in my life. We talked about many things but we kept coming back to college. Madeline is off to UGA and Averie is headed to Georgia Tech. I dated a guy that went to Tech while I was at...

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The Best Sh*t Ever 💩

best sh*t ever

You know the product Poo-Pourri? The “spray before you go” preventative stank spray? Well, I booked a “modeling” job with them and they fired me. They straight up sh*t canned me. And it was the best sh*t ever. So, I am booked on a 3 half-day “modeling” gig with Poo-Pourri. I use quotations sarcastically punctuating modeling because I am simply handing out flyers redeemable for a free sample of the stuff to a slew of gift show attendees. Promotional “modeling” at it’s finest. It is the lowest paying gig of my entire modeling career, but I am willing and excited to be working for their brand. I know and love their product, like a lot, and am secretly hoping to score a few free...

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A Presidential Challenge 🇺🇸

Presidential Challenge

  It's President's Day and in honor of that, I present to you A Presidential Challenge! In the fourth grade, I received A Presidential Challenge: Learn all the presidents of the United States. I accepted this challenge with fervor and it is one of those things that has, for some reason, stuck with me for my entire life. I am proud to be an American and in honor of President's Day I would like to share this with you. I visited Washington DC and was inspired at The Lincoln Memorial. I asked my fiance to record me as the names of our past Presidents of the United States washed over me. And this happened...

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V-Day Don’t 💔

V Day Don't

Let me help your man so he doesn’t pull a V-Day Don’t 💔 Some gentlemen need some extra help when it comes to gifting their sweethearts. I’ll err on the negative side and share what not to gift with to save you the pain of seeing the disappointment (or rage) in your lovely ladies’ eyes. Ankle Weights: Perhaps your lady has expressed the desire to get into better shape. If you value your life and happiness at all, comments such as these should only be met with, “Baby, you look great just the way you are!” Maybe she has mentioned that she would like to start wearing ankle weights around the house for a butt-firming boost. Now is not the time to gift...

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Tom Selleck Turns 71! 💋

Tom Selleck

Today is a special day. On this day, 71 years ago, Tom Selleck was brought into this world! A celebration must be had because Tom Selleck is my jam, man. Everyday when I walk into my office, I am greeted by the above black and white picture of Tom Selleck. It hangs framed on my wall right next to Marilyn Monroe and Karl Lagerfeld #FriendGoals. I have had a healthy, totally normal, not weird at all obsession with Ol’ Tommy since his Magnum PI Days. I'm super excited to celebrate Tom Selleck! Join me in the journey to pay homage to the sexieist man on the face of the planet, won't you? Indulge me, you'll have a laugh.   Here is Tom as a...

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Just For Fun 🎉 7 Topics Revealed – Part 4

Just For Fun

Just for Fun is a reminder to live life laughing! I love to giggle and whimsical things light me up, the sillier the better. I get a kick out of making people laugh and have been known to do almost anything to make an audience snicker, even if it’s just my friends that I'm cutting up for. In my quest to be a funny girl, I studied comedy improv at The Groundlings in Los Angeles and I have done stand-up, which scared me to death. Luckily I was laughed at for all the right reasons. I grew up in a smart and funny family; everyone has a wicked sense of humor. We were constantly playing jokes on each other and I...

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The Chipmunk Song

  From 2000 to 2007 at the Blackman home, we threw an annual Christmas party. Both my parents friends and mine would find ourselves singing (or slurring) along to the live piano playing as my father would tickle the ivories in the most delightful way. As we pushed our bodies to the brink of alcoholism, we had a blast and were merry AF. Every year I would perform The Chipmunk Song in an outlandish outfit, aka, my 7th grade cheerleading skirt that just happened to be kelly green and white, (Go Hornets) combined with a snug red top and properly over accessorized with a headpiece of light up antlers, bell earrings, and strands of colored light beads. Every year people asked me...

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Fat Girl at Heart: Electric Youth! Part III

… My small sweaty palm is touching hers. I am holding Debbie Gibson’s hand. I AM HOLDING DEBBIE GIBSON’S HAND! We run out on stage together as “Only In My Dreams” starts up. She is positioned center stage and I am stage left. The crowd is enormous and cheering wildly. I am the envy of every concertgoer there. It feels as if all eyes are on me and I am frozen. I look over at Debbie with big, overwhelmed eyes. She gives me the sweetest smile and a nod. Got it! Okay, Blackman, it’s go time! I start busting out the running man. HARD. I am giving it all I’ve got, dancing like I never have before. The crowd is going wild...

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