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Stain Fighting Sorcery 🔮

Stain Fighting Sorcery

As it turns out, I am a wizard. When I was able to fully remove sauce stains from a bowl of green curry that slipped from my hands onto a silk pillow and a Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams chair, it was nothing less that Stain Fighting Sorcery. It's a rainy Saturday and I make myself a delicious green curry vegetable bowl for lunch. My husband isn't home so I'm about to enjoy my curry with a side of Bravo as I've got a small window to relax without his unsolicited commentary about "watching that crap." I'm walking to the couch, and as I do, I hear his voice, "You're not really going to eat that on our couch are you?" It's in...

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Leanest Libations 🍹

In honor of Cinco De Mayo 🇮🇹 AND beach season, I present you with the Leanest Libations in all of the land! A skinny mini margarita, a fun and frothy alternative to the calorie-offensive pina colada, and a fabulous beach day drink that will keep you tipsy and hydrated at the same time! Drink up, my friends! #CincoDeDrinko 🍈 Super Lean Lime & Chili Margarita (90 calories ) This margarita is truly a rare gem. Both big in flavor and extra light in calories. You can't make a margarita with less calories than this! Not possible. The chili-lime rim gives it the kick it needs and the smoothness of a high quality tequila (such as my fav - Patron silver) makes it dangerously drinkable. #MargaritaMama 1 0z of...

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Patcher or Puller? ⚓️

Row Your Patched Boat

If life is the sea and we are a boat, then are you a Patcher or Puller? We have all experienced emotional traumas that color our emotional intellect. We are all a little damaged. Our boats have a hole in them. Some larger than others, but there all the same. Some of us patch our boat and some of us pull our boat. Patchers get in there and do the hard work it requires to patch their boats up so that water cannot sink them. The patch requires continuous maintenance as a small crack may turn into a bigger hole, but they get to it before it becomes the size of the original hole. And sometimes, they get to a place where the...

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The Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Thought 💁🏼

The Dumbest Thing I Ever Thought

I was 23 and went to Office Max to buy myself a paper shredder. Apparently I had some very important documents that I needed to ensure did not end up in the wrong hands. Clandestine. As I was pacing the aisle of shredders, knowing I didn’t want a cheap one that would quit working after 3 shreds but understanding that this didn’t need to be an investment piece, a very friendly employee approached me and asked if he could be of assistance. I told him that I was looking for a middle-of-the-road paper shredder and he began knowledgeably walking me through the features of these mid-priced machines. When we start getting into the mid-high priced shredders he says, “Now this one takes credit cards.” Dubiously,...

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My Fear’s Named Chad 😈

My Fear’s Named Chad. He smokes cigarettes, shaves his chest, and still uses a tanning bed. Chad likes cats, cruise ship food, and itchy sweaters. We don’t have anything in common. He calls me “Bro.” A lot. Chad is a chud. He’s obnoxiously loud, aggressive, and annoying. Chad believes in complacency, comfort, and taking the easy way out. He loves to procrastinate and uses perfectionism as an avenue for such. He is stifling and overbearing. He tries to smother me, but he (almost) never wins. Unless it comes to skydiving, Chad and I are definitely on the same page when it comes to skydiving. He’s like, “Why would you do that Bro?” and I’m like, “I am SO with you, Man.” Chad pokes me in the...

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Good Morning, Scarcity and Shame ☀️

I recently had an A-ha! moment regarding my own self-tapes. After a sweet slumber I have 2 initial thoughts… Good Morning, Scarcity and Shame.   One of two tapes play in my head immediately upon waking. Either: 1) “Ugh, I didn’t get enough sleep” or 2) “Oh, I slept in too late, I should have woken up earlier.”   No matter what, I have not gotten it right (according to myself). I’m starting my day off in either scarcity (I didn’t get enough) or shame (I should have…). This realization strikes me as I read Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection. Brown speaks of our mentality of scarcity and how it negatively impacts us. She quotes Lynn Twist, the author of The Soul of Money. Lynn writes: “For me,...

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My Saber-Toothed Tiger 🐯

saber toothed tiger

I sit straight up, startling myself out of a deep sleep as if someone has just shaken me to my core. I am sweating and wailing, a primal sound I am unable to make on my own, only my body taken over by something else could create this painful cry out. Saline streaming from my eyes as the hyperventilation portion of this late-night party sets in. I crawl to the bathroom and lay on the cool tile floor in the fetal position. Most people would be terrified. Surprisingly, I am not. Though I have never experienced anything like this before, somehow I know exactly what this is: an anxiety attack. I am 22 years old and have just moved from my parents...

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Flight of The Sexy Bees 🐝

Flight of the Sexy Bees

Halloween used to be my thing, in a big way. I took it seriously and went all out. I would start brainstorming on my costume in August, researching and planning in September, and executing in October before the big day. Dress rehearsals, trial runs, you know. I would have things custom made and scour stores for the coolest accessories. Never did I ever wear a costume from a bag; that was for amateurs. I loved Halloween, but then something happened...

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Best Sh*t Ever: Part Deuce 💩

best sh*t ever

So, I’m working my tag line that I have received permission from the client to say, "Poo-Pourri – It’s The Best Sh*t Ever!" and moving flyers like hot cakes. Everyone is chucking AND they will get a free sample of Poo-Pourri as they make their way through the gift show. I’ve really made their day. Suddenly a security guard approaches us and tells us that we can’t hand out flyers in the lobby, we have to go outside. "But it's SO hot out there and were told by the client that we are to stand here." Gruffly he says, "Well, you were told wrong. Go outside." We head outside and flank the exterior doors which are in the shade, thank goodness. A few moments later,...

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